This is my 100th blog post. I asked for topic suggestions and had a great response. My wife even made a suggestion; that I should write about ideas.

Being my wife, she wins by default. So here we go.

A question writers frequently get asked is where they get their ideas. The question usually comes from non-writers, though sometimes other writers ask out of frustration, jealousy or jealous frustration.

Each writer is different, but I’d imagine my process is pretty standard.

In 1995 I sold my soul to Book Satan.

That’s right, Book Satan. Some people like to call him James Patterson. To others he’s simply The Dark Lord. Or Jim. 

Anywho, Book Satan offered me a choice; a lifetime of fame, riches and bestsellers, or ideas. It was money vs art. I chose art. I’m an idiot, obviously.

Book Satan threw his head back and laughed. He took my soul and in exchange, he granted me one new idea a week.

Then Book Satan vomited out another bestselling thriller and fucked off, my soul in tow.

Thankfully, he kept up his end of the bargain. Ideas arrive every Wednesday afternoon, strapped to back of a unicorn, who canters down from the Ideas Cloud on a road made from rainbows.

At first I tried to feed the unicorn healthy treats, like an apple, or a carrot, but quickly discovered that unicorns only eat frosted cupcakes. Go figure.

Also; never try to ride a unicorn.

Over the years I’ve worked hard at honing my craft so it looks like I actually know what I’m doing, safe in the knowledge that I have another idea due next Wednesday.

Many writers were offered this deal by Book Satan. Most chose art, but a select few chose money. 

If you ever have the chance to meet Dan Brown, ask him if he’s ever seen a unicorn. I guarantee the fucker doesn’t know they only eat cupcakes.

So in summary no one has any clue where ideas come from. And I certainly can’t quantify where I get mine. It’s different for every writer. Most have a place or process that helps set the environment for ideas to form.

Roald Dahl had a thinking couch. Ian Fleming had a Jamaican retreat. Hunter S. Thompson had uppers, downers and a pint of ether - each writer has a different process - I guarantee no two are the same.

Personally I find a couple of hours at the gym, a flick at the cinema, an extended train or bus ride or sitting on the can usually gets the ideas flowing. But the road they took to my pen? There isn’t an app for that.

In the end, where ideas come from isn’t the question. The question you should ask yourself is this; “If I’m the kind of person who needs to ask, do I have any business writing?”

The answer is no. Sorry.

If I knew where ideas came from, I wouldn’t be writing blogs about it. I’d be bottling it and selling it on GoodReads, trying to make a cent out of this soulless profession.

Book Satan is real though, so please look out for him. He has horns and is definitely not Tim Curry from the film Legend.

Got any ideas on ideas? Leave a comment!

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Script Frenzy is an annual script writing event in which you have 30 days to write a 100 page script. Sound like your sort of challenge? It’s not too late to take part, you can sign up here.

If it sounds daunting it needn’t be. Writing is fun, and writing ridiculously quickly is a fucking riot - both in terms of amusement and property damage. 

If you’ve never written a screenplay before, you’ll notice a lot of assholes shouting at you to do things a certain way. Fuck that. You don’t need to know about proper formatting right now. You just need to write.

Cut out all the bullshit and just make shit up as you go… 

Have fun, make mistakes, learn. This is your first screenplay, it ain’t gonna be Citizen Kane. It’ll probably be Citizen What The Fuck? But that’s okay. Better than being boring.

Formatting software is great if Daddy owns a movie studio and made you some business cards that say you’re a screenwriter, but all you need is Text Edit, or Note Pad.

You can paste the text in to Final Draft or some other expensive piece of shit and professionally format the script later. Write by hand if necessary, Tarantino does, and he’s got Oscars and stuff. 

Focus on the writing for now, and get through it. 100 pages in 30 days (or 29 days if you start now, the clock is ticking!) is perfectly managable. Break your script down into 10 page chunks and work that way.

Heck if you’re in the mood, you should put a big event at the end of each 10 page section and you’ve got yourself a movie deal, bucko!

Okay so you won’t have a movie deal but you will have a basic structure. And that’s all you need right now. If you’ve got any shred of natural talent your script will find its way into a natural three-act structure anyway, so you can worry about that later.

Right now is writing time. Tap the keys, make your characters say ridiculous things. Blow shit up. Blow people up. Blow someone up everytime they say something ridiculous. Set in space, or in a war. Set in a space war. Just have fun!

If you want to be a screenwriter this is a mountain you’ll have to climb many times, so the first time take some deep breaths, enjoy the scenery, and feel the rush of conquering the peak.

After April is done and Script Frenzy has left you an emotional and physical wreck incapable of basic human interaction, then you can climb down, analyze what you did, what could be done better, buy professional equipment if neccessary and go again.

Then go again, and again. Put that mountain in a drawer for a while, and climb a new one. Then take it out of the drawer and climb it again.

Writing is fun. That’s why we do it. You need something to say, yes, but you need to have fun too. Take a deep breath, cut the bullshit and enjoy it.

Are you taking part in Script Frenzy 2012? Leave a comment!

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